


The Sanders Take (Podcast Au)

by TheFoxofFiction



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Podcast, Deceit's name is Joseph, Dialogue-Only, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Maybe - Freeform, Only Roman and Remus are related, Sibling Banter, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, They all share the same last name, They're all friends, remus is remus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 04:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20482817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFoxofFiction/pseuds/TheFoxofFiction
Summary: Sanders Sides Podcast AU.None of them are related (expect Roman and Remus), they just share the same last name. Thomas's friends helps behind the scene, while the sides, now humans, and Thomas are the ones who does the talking.They do have certain subjects they circle around, but mostly it is just chaos and shenanigans.





	1. Introductions and Chaos

**Roman:** Ladies, Lords and non-binary Royalty are you ready? If the answer is Yes~ Then I implore you to raise the volume on the device you’re listening to us on to not miss anything. Oh and we will post these podcasts as YouTube videos as well with subtitles, it will take us some time but, no worries my hard of hearing people resident nerd Logan is on the case!

**Logan *somewhere not near a mic*:** _ I have no memory of agreeing to doing that **alone!**_

**Roman:** Now over to Our GLO~RIOUS host, Thomas!

**Thomas:** Thank you Roman. I would like to Welcome you all to this first episode of The Sanders Take!

**Virgil:** We’re also not going to take _anything_.

****Joseph (Deceit)**:** What? I’ve been _tricked! _*mock gasp*

**Virgil:** …

****Joseph (Deceit)**:** *snickers*

**Virgil *trying not to laugh*:** You ass!

****Joseph (Deceit)****: *laughs harder*

**Thomas:** Also we’re not related in any way, we all just share the same last name-

**Remus *away from the mic*:** _SPEAK FOR YOURSELF! STAR BOY!_

**Thomas:** … Well. Apart from the twins.

**Virgil**: Can you guys hurry up?! We’re already 15 minutes in and not everyone had gotten to their mic yet!

**Logan *having moved to his spot at the table***: actually it’s more like 2 minutes.

**Virgil**: Whatever. REMUS! STOP LICKING THE DOOR KNOB AND SIT DOWN!

**Remus *away from the mic***: *groan of displeasure*

**Thomas**: _Please_ don’t shout so close to the mic…

**Virgil**: Sorry.

**Remus *sitting down with a grumble at his mic***: You’re no fun Emo.

****Joseph (Deceit)****: There are many reasons as to why I wear gloves. Remus is one of them.

**Remus**: I feel attacked.

**Logan**: I can assure you, you’re not.

**Thomas**: Patton? Are you going to join us any time soon?

**Patton *away from the mic***: Sorry! I’m coming i just-

**Remus**: Oh~ Patton!~ getting frisky so _early_ in the **morning**~ 

**Virgil, Roman and Thomas**: REMUS!

**Patton *away from the mic***: *horrified gasp* I WOULD NEVER!

****Joseph (Deceit)****: This is my life now. I’ve dug my grave, and this is where I shall die.

**Logan**: Now you’re just being dramatic.

****Joseph (Deceit)****: Well that’s a given.

**Patton *finally at his spot before his mic***: Sorry, but my jacket zipper decided to stop working for me. I had to worm my way out of it. And that’s really _Hard _when you’re wearing glasses!

**Thomas**: It’s okay Patton.

**Logan**: Well. since this is the first episode, wouldn’t it be a good idea to introduce ourselves so that those who’re listening knows who it is that’s talking.

**Roman**: That’s a MARVELLOUS IDEA, SPECS!

**Remus**: OH YES!

**Virgil**: Can someone please mute their microphones?

**Roman**: *offended gasp* How dare!

**Remus**: YOU CAN TRY ALL YOU MIGHT!

**Thomas**: no one is muting anyone!

**Virgil**: shit. *huffs*

**Logan**: Also if you muted their microphones they would just steal someone else’s.

****Joseph (Deceit)****: And do you want Remus to get another microphone on his hands?

**Virgil**: Oh hell no, I was a fool! JOAN don’t mute them!

**Remus**: *cackling*

**Roman**: Your dirty ways saved us again.

**Roman and Remus**: *high fives*

**Roman**: EW! DID YOU JUST LICK YOUR HAND BEFORE HIGH FIVING ME?!

**Remus**: *cackles louder*

**Roman**: EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW! YOU DISGUSTING BROTHER!

**Thomas**: And the introductions were forgotten…

**Patton *stage whispers***: By now I believe they already know **to much **about Remus…

****Joseph (Deceit) ***claps his hands***: Okay! enough you two, why not let Thomas introduce himself for the audience that’s listening to this chaos? Or I will revoke your privilege to eat in the studio.

**Remus and Roman**: *gasps of horror* You wouldn’t dare!

****Joseph (Deceit)****: Oh I _would_ dare~

**Roman**: *gulps*

**Remus**: *hisses*

**Thomas**: Err… Thank you, Joseph.

**Joseph (Deceit)**: Eh, no worries.

**Thomas**: Moving on, I’m Thomas Sanders, and most of you probably already know me, or recognise me from my YouTube channel, or from Vine-

**All of them**: Rip

**Thomas**: I decided with some help from my friends start this podcast. we have no idea how long we will do this, but so far we got plans for the coming episodes. To my left i got Logan.

**Logan**: Salutations, My name is Logan Sanders, and I’m the oldest one here.

**Roman**: By one month only!

**Logan**: _Sometimes it feels more than one_. Moving on, I am a librarian and part time teacher at the school one city over. To my left i got Virgil.

**Virgil *grunts***: Uh… hi? I’m Virgil… I’m also a Sanders, am from one state over… don’t really do much… well… I uh… I got a YouTube channel where i talk about cryptids or do make up tutorials… I don’t know what else to say uh… over to Roman?

**Roman**: Hellooooo beautiful citizen, and you nerds. I’m Prince Roman Sanders at your service.

**Remus**: Oh? then can you get me a sandwich?

**Roman**: Remus i swear-

**Joseph (Deceit)**: *clears his throat*

**Remus**: *grumbles*

**Roman**: As you all might have already figured out, me and Remus are the twins. I’m the oldest off us two.

**Remus *shouts into Roman’s mic***: BUT I’M TALLER!

**Roman**: Get Off ME! As i was saying, I’m the way cooler twin-

**Virgil**: According to whom?

**Roman**: *Offended gasp* How dare you. The betrayal! Ignoring the Emo, Me and Remus are from LA but we moved to Florida with Mom, after her divorce. Aaaand…. next to me i got Remus *huffs*.

**Remus**: Let it be known! I got no filter what so ever.

**Virgil**: No repulse control either.

**Remus**: Yep! As the drama prince said, we moved here with Mommy. And I’ve already cuddled with the Florida River retriever.

**Joseph (Deceit) & Logan**: Florida what now?!

**Thomas**: He means Alligators.

**Logan**: WHAT?!

**Joseph (Deceit)**: Ad a lack of self preservation to the list of things he’s missing as well.

**Virgil**: On it…

**Remus**: Anyway! To my left! i got Snakey!

**Joseph (Deceit)**: I seriously have no idea why you stuck with that nickname.

**Remus**: Well you got snakes, it fits.

**Joseph (Deceit)**: *sighs* sure sure. I’m Joseph Sanders, impulsive liar, my family is from Hawaii and Scotland. I have a Instagram where i post videos on clothes i’ve made, as well as me shouting fuck you at society. I’m close to hell.

**Thomas**: Wha- How?

**Joseph (Deceit)**: IT’S BECAUSE I’M SHORT THOMAS!

**The others**: *startled laughter*

**Joseph (Deceit)**: I also got three Snakes, called Ara, Omi and Issi. And last in the line of Sanders, is Patton.

**Patton *laughs***: Yes! Hi everyone, I’m Patton Sanders, I’m from Canada and got a Youtube my channel is mainly videos of me playing with goo and mixing paint!

**Logan**: Oh! Autonomous sensory meridian response videos!

**Patton**: Eh, I’m pretty sure it’s just me playing with goo and paint.

**Thomas**: That definitely would entertain some people.

**Patton**: Yeah! i already got a small number of _Pattoncake’s_ following my content *giggles*.

**Roman**: Oh by the beard of Zeus that’s **adorable.**

**Thomas**: I think that was a good introduction, anyone want to ad anything?

**Remus**: Virgil is the youngest! He’s the little baby!

**Virgil**: *HISSES* We’re the same age you bastard!

**Patton**: If anyone is the baby of the group it’s Joseph, because he’s so short and adorable.

**Joseph (Deceit)**: I swear I will curse your shoelaces, to make you trip **constantly.**

**Patton**: *cooing*

**Thomas**: Well will you look at that, out time is up. Everyone ready?

**The others**: Yes!

**Thomas**: Okay, we shall return in the next episode.

**All of them**: PEACE OUT!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amintyworld asked:  
SOOOOOO.... this is for all of you: (big fan of your podcast btw) What was each your most embarassing moment? And, adding to that, of Joseph lies about it.... PUNISH HIM. Or, if anybody lies, really.

**Remus**: GLADLY!

**Joseph (Deceit)**: I came here for a good time and i _honestly_ feel _sooo_ attacked right now.

**Virgil**: Do we Have too? *mumbles* It’s embarrassing.

**Logan**: You don’t have to say **the most** embarrassing thing. Unless it is the only moment.

**Virgil**: *grumbles*

**Roman**: This is hard-

**Remus**: Because you have too many to choose from?

**Roman**: NO! It’s because I only remember shit you’ve done. And it’s A LOT.

**Remus**: I regret none of it!

**Roman**: Well you should! You mooned SANTA CLAUSE!

**Remus**: I DID NOT! This is not sanders, this is _slanders_!

**Roman**: No you did, we were 15! I had to witness it! My eyes still burn!

**Remus**: Pic or it NEVER happened!

**Roman**: Give me a moment.

**Thomas**: Wait you have it saved on your phone?!

**Roman**: HERE! SEE!

**Remus**: …. I have been corrected.

**Patton *in horror***: Why would you keep_ that_?!

**Roman**: I honestly don’t know…

**Remus**: WELL, YOU SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND BROKE YOUR ARM!

**Roman *dying noise***: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy would you tell them THAT?!

**Remus**: *makes an ‘i don’t know’ sound*

**Virgil**: Okay, maybe my thing isn’t so bad after all.

**Roman**: *grunts*

**Patton**: Well what is it then, kiddo?

**Virgil**: I’m not your kid. I told a cashier at the hamburger place ‘You too’, after she told me to ‘enjoy my meal’. I have never gone back.

**Logan**: You’re magnifying this, quite a lot.

**Virgil**: IT WAS _MORTIFYING!_

**Joseph (Deceit) *laughing***: Oh that’s gold.

**Virgil**: *Hisses*

**Thomas**: Well… I peed my pants during my elementary school concert.

**Virgil**: Oooohh *pained noise* That’s bad.

**Thomas**: Yes.

**Patton**: Well, my thing is pretty funny *snickers* So I’m allergic to cats, but i didn’t know it at the time-

**Logan**: Oh no…

**Thomas**: Patton…

**Patton**: So the thing is, i was cuddling this adorable tabby, crying tears of joy, only it was not only joy but my eyes tearing due to allergies, my aunt was the one who found me suffocating into the soft belly of the kitten, i was in hospital for two days. I would do it all again if i could.

**The others**: NO!

**Patton**: It’s the best way to go! Cuddling an adorable, fluffy, kitty.

**Logan**: Let’s all agree to from now on keep cats away from Patton.

**The others**: Agreed.

**Patton**: You can’t stop me! I will cuddle _them_! _**All of them!**_

**Thomas**: What about you Logan?

**Logan**: I have no embarrassing moments.

**Joseph (Deceit)**: You sure about that? I distinctly remembers someone pulling an all fighter and coming to out meet up dressed in their unicorn onesie.

**Logan**: FALSE_HOOD! _*Sounds of the mic’s screeching*

**Joan *away from the mic***:_ STOP SHOUTING AT THE MICS! YOU HEATHENS!_

**Logan *clears his throat***: apologies Joan. Anyway, you are lying, i have no memory of this happening.

**Joseph (Deceit)**: You probably don’t remember it because you crashed afterwards and slept for 15 hours. But~ I got proof~

**Logan *gasps in horror***: Oh dear newton, ERASE IT!

**Joseph (Deceit)**: Hell no! It’s amazing, you’re even wearing a tie over it~

**Logan**: I will hack your phone to get that deleted!

**Joseph (Deceit)**: You don’t think i got it saved somewhere else? This is too good to let go off~

**Logan**: *grinding his teeth*

**Joseph (Deceit)**: *snickers*

**Logan**: Well at least i don’t slip on a water puddle and slides into the fountain.

**Joseph (Deceit)**: *chokes* how do you even remember that?!

**Logan**: I got a good memory.

**Patton**: And still you forgot about the onesie?

**Thomas**: Let’s not embarrass him further. Al tho, how did you even slip Joseph?

**Joseph (Deceit)**: Ice is evil.

**Virgil**: Says the one who wants to belly flop into the snow whenever we’re at Patton’s place in the winter, only to complain that you’re cold in the next?

**Joseph (Deceit)**: Snow is not something i grew up around okay! I keep forgetting what it feels like, and i hate the cold in general. the first snow is the best, then shit just get’s COLD!

**Author's Note:**

> For questions to the Sanders sned them to: https://the-sanders-take.tumblr.com/


End file.
